Anelka To Spend Some Time In Lancashire

It looks likely that sulky French forward Nicola Anelka will join Bolton on a - wait for it - four year deal.

In an interview reported in The Telegraph and elsewhere he said: "I have an agreement with Bolton on the basis of a four-year contract. I hope it will be finalised this week."

I don't want to put a downer on this marvellous, pleasing news for Bolton fans, but here's the thing. A four year deal for Anelka means you may, if you are lucky, get a whole season out of him.

Signing Anelka will guarantee the following things:

i) Some goals. Possibly a lot of goals. It depends on how he is feeling at the time.

ii) Anelka getting mysteriously dropped for reasons that will remain "behind closed doors".

iii) A public falling out with another player. I suggest El Hadj Diouf as the perfect candidate.

iv) A few games when Anelka looks like he can't be bothered to do all that tiresome running around, passing and shooting stuff.

v) A transfer to another over-optimistic club. Possibly in Portugal as it's warm and he hasn't played there yet.