Carlos Tevez: A True Hammer

I've taken a cold, hard look at the transfer of Carlos Tevez and that other guy to West Ham and here's my deep insight into the situation :

I can only conclude that Tevez and whatshisface are true Hammers and have gone to the club because of their love for both West Ham and the gorgeous part of London in which it resides.

No other explanation makes any sense. So let's knock the conspiracy theories on the head right now.

i) Theory One: Tevez and thingy have only gone to West Ham to be placed in the 'shop window' before they move to a bigger club.

West Ham ! Think about it. West Ham. This is not a club that has the eyes of the world on it. The top sides in Spain and Italy do not spend a great deal of time thinking about West Ham. Trust me on this one.

ii) Theory Two: These transfers are just the forerunner to a takeover by either some Russians, some Arabs or, um, someone else.

As conspiracy theories go, one where even the conspiracy theorists don't know who is involved doesn't hold much water, does it?

Allow me to add my own thinking on this. Tevez is an Argentinian who speaks absolutely no English.

The logical place for a Spanish speaking footballer to go if he is to be placed in the 'shop window' is Spain. That way the pesky problem of not understanding a word the coaches or players are saying doesn't arise. That would mean he could concentrate on football.

Tevez's handlers would know this. It's obvious, right? But he and his mate thingummy didn't go to Spain, did they? No. They went to West Ham.

Therefore the only logical conclusion is that they are both massive West Ham fans, who love the club, the fans and yes, even the good ol' East End of London.

What other explanation could there be?